Pitch Slam Entry

Consider me pitched. Here is my query, pitch, and feedback from the beautiful contest that is Pitch Slam 2014. Hopefully all goes well. Until then, please tear it to shreds.

Query

Seventeen-year-old Ada knows there are three steps to (a not awful) adulthood:

(1) Pass her genetic potential tests as a Hybrid—the superior rulers of humanity.

(2) Leave her foster village with guy-friend Zeran to live in the Higher Society—home of Hybrids, and more importantly, her long-lost parents.

(3) Live Hybridly ever after. 

But step three is foiled when Ada discovers she has defective Hybrid DNA. It's bad enough she won't have their preternatural intellect or their ability to sustain themselves with little sleep or nourishment. It's worse that Zeran triples in the potential she lacks, making his reassurances feel like a slap to her defective face. But what takes the freaking fruitcake is her father exiling her after deeming her worthless to society. So she makes like her near non-existent powers and disappears.

By the time Ada notices a note from Zeran expressing his love for her, she's lost in the vast wilderness between the Higher Society and her village. As Ada tries to make her way back through man-eating animals and deadly dust storms, she meets a group of young travelers seeking the land of genetic refugees—the only place she could ever fit in. 

Now Ada faces an impossible choice: embark on a dangerous journey to an island of rejects, or risk losing new ties to return to Zeran—the boy who had always accepted her—and a family that never will.

Pitch

 In a world divided by two subspecies of humans, Ada's a Hybrid—the superhuman-breed—with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her, Ada embarks on dangerous journey seeking the island of genetic-rejects—and revenge.

In a world divided by two subspecies of humans, Ada's a Hybrid--the superhuman breed--with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her, Ada embarks on a dangerous journey seeking the island of genetic rejects--and revenge. (Nest-pitch pitch) 

In a world divided by two subspecies of humanity, Ada learns she's a Hybrid—the superhuman breed—with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her from society, Ada embarks on a dangerous journey seeking acceptance—redemption.(Pitchmadness pitch)
 

Feedback 

Specifics in this pitch will really drive home what is coming across as a fun twist on a genetics story. First, what are these subspecies of humans? Just a word or two to let us know. You can get those words by cutting extra information here and there, like the phrase "the superhuman breed". We don't need it. And what about her DNA makes her defective? And is her father powerful physically or politically? These few details will make this pitch shine.

Thanks for your help!