Pitch Slam Entry

Consider me pitched. Here is my query, pitch, and feedback from the beautiful contest that is Pitch Slam 2014. Hopefully all goes well. Until then, please tear it to shreds.

Query

Seventeen-year-old Ada knows there are three steps to (a not awful) adulthood:

(1) Pass her genetic potential tests as a Hybrid—the superior rulers of humanity.

(2) Leave her foster village with guy-friend Zeran to live in the Higher Society—home of Hybrids, and more importantly, her long-lost parents.

(3) Live Hybridly ever after. 

But step three is foiled when Ada discovers she has defective Hybrid DNA. It's bad enough she won't have their preternatural intellect or their ability to sustain themselves with little sleep or nourishment. It's worse that Zeran triples in the potential she lacks, making his reassurances feel like a slap to her defective face. But what takes the freaking fruitcake is her father exiling her after deeming her worthless to society. So she makes like her near non-existent powers and disappears.

By the time Ada notices a note from Zeran expressing his love for her, she's lost in the vast wilderness between the Higher Society and her village. As Ada tries to make her way back through man-eating animals and deadly dust storms, she meets a group of young travelers seeking the land of genetic refugees—the only place she could ever fit in. 

Now Ada faces an impossible choice: embark on a dangerous journey to an island of rejects, or risk losing new ties to return to Zeran—the boy who had always accepted her—and a family that never will.

Pitch

 In a world divided by two subspecies of humans, Ada's a Hybrid—the superhuman-breed—with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her, Ada embarks on dangerous journey seeking the island of genetic-rejects—and revenge.

In a world divided by two subspecies of humans, Ada's a Hybrid--the superhuman breed--with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her, Ada embarks on a dangerous journey seeking the island of genetic rejects--and revenge. (Nest-pitch pitch) 

In a world divided by two subspecies of humanity, Ada learns she's a Hybrid—the superhuman breed—with defective DNA. When her powerful father exiles her from society, Ada embarks on a dangerous journey seeking acceptance—redemption.(Pitchmadness pitch)
 

Feedback 

Specifics in this pitch will really drive home what is coming across as a fun twist on a genetics story. First, what are these subspecies of humans? Just a word or two to let us know. You can get those words by cutting extra information here and there, like the phrase "the superhuman breed". We don't need it. And what about her DNA makes her defective? And is her father powerful physically or politically? These few details will make this pitch shine.

Thanks for your help!

The Playlist of Life

Hello, all.
In honor of Pitch Slam, I wanted to share the playlist that got me through writing Written in the Leaves. There are probably more songs, as I usually just binged on the full albums on youtube, but here are the ten or so that really stuck to me. Hopefully, if this book is published, you'll see why these songs matched the scenes. :) For now, here's the list.

Written in the Leaves Playlist 

“Counting Stars" ~OneRepublic

“Hideaway” ~Hudson Taylor

“Drop of Smoke" ~Hudson Taylor 

“Battles” ~Hudson Taylor

"Barton Hollows" ~The Civil Wars (full album)

“Unwound Future” ~Professor Layton

“Professor Layton's Theme”~Professor Layton

“Soon We'll Be Found” ~Sia

“Folding Chair” ~Regina Spektor

“Let Her Go” ~Passenger

“Burn” ~Ellie Goulding

"Don't Save Me" ~Haim 

"Deep Forest" ~Do As Infinity

"Shiki no Uta" ~Minmi

Progress on my Query?

Because I've only been responding in gifs:

Progress on my Query?

I'm done.

But not in the good way.

(Re)solutions!

Hiya!

Unfortunately it has been forever (and a day, don't forget the day) since I've written on this blog. It's probably because I've been working so hard on my latest ms (finished as of 1/1/2014!). And you know how that's like. For the past four months I've been walking around (when I wasn't writing or pretending to do organic chemistry) telling everyone who would listen, or was just really around, that I was almost done.

As we all know, almost isn't good enough. But I'm coming to you from the the side that is done. And now that I'm am basking in the glow of mild accomplishment (you know, since writing the novel was the fun, easy part), I'm eager to accomplish more things. But I'll be reasonable.

Here are my top 5 (of my many infinite) goals for 2014.


#5 Survive Spring Semester (aka Actually Learn Something/Do Something/Care)
 

*college

 

#4 Stop Eating Like This:

#3 Become Proficient in Another Language




#2  Excel in a Certain Examination





#1 Be in the works to Publish WitL!



...And love my family more.

 

But they're a tough bunch, am I right?

Beta Readers: The Death and Rebirth of Your Manuscript (And Just the Death of You)

The hardest thing for me so far (other than writing the dang novel) has been patience and beta readers.

Basically, everything that is somewhat out of my control.

When you write a ms, you're kind of like a God. You are creating. You are removing. Destroying. Renovating. I mean, sometimes I'm ready to write a chapter only for me to realize "Hey, it doesn't have to go like this." And sometimes I follow that notion. And sometimes I don't. Cause I'm a freakin' God.

But the manuscript is done and now I feel powerless. I wrote this thing for other people to be affected by it. To celebrate me. And I want those Godly feelings back. But because I'm not stupid, I know that the MS I wrote and love dearly needs to be helped. So I enlisted in some.

Now, I would recomend only getting about 3-5 impartial beta reader. Any more and you'll have a headache, any less and you'll brush off what they say. It's a rule of thumb that if more than one person has a problem with something it's worth looking into.

Also learn how to listen. Just hear them out. Remember that you don't have to do what they say.

For example, I let my older sister read through the story. She wasn't one of my beta readers, but I kind of just wanted someone to skim through it and point out HUGE things. She's very opinionated. So after taking a couple of hours to skim, she told me that she didn't like that one of the characters was someones brother. I asked her why. She said she just didn't like it.

That's helpful right?

Anyway, sometimes beta readers do this. Sometimes you do this when you read a story. And it's okay. But if you can't support why it bothers you (can be as simple as awkward wording or conflicts with characterizations) then it really isn't warranted. You're not saying what you would have done, you're saying what can be done to make the novel better for your reading consumption.

And when you can get some beta readers who have that in mind, you'll surprised how far your novel will go.

And if I ever get published I'll tell you what the CR in The CR stands for.

I just CAN'T right now.

How Your Query is Your American Idol Audition (Or the Voice)

So.

I sent my query out to some agents a few days ago. Ideally, everything is out of my hands. Well, except for going back and tweaking the MS (I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it!). After attending Write On Con. There are two different scenerios to the basic things that I learned:

 You're query needs a hook, log  lines work pretty well.

You can't give away too little

You can't give away EVERYTHING

And you can't, absolutely can't, leave the reader feeling bored. Or insulted.

The query is the gateway to your story. It sucks in a sense. I mean, you had the endurance to sit down for months to write a story and now everything depends on a pitch?

Yeah, kind off.

Which brings me to the connecting theme of this blog post. A query is your American Idol audition. My friend auditioned once, and although she is a wonderful singer, she didn't make it. But she did clue me in on who did make it, which were pretty much one of the following: Normal looking, but Drop Dead Amazing Singers who made Xtina and Beyonce look like back-up, or really interesting looking people who's voices weren't anything special, but they were.

And I find that's the issue with many people's query. Sometimes the premise (the voice) of an novel is very good--so original that you hate yourself. But the presentation of the query is so lackluster that you convince yourself that it must be like everything else on the market. Or worse, the writing of the book is just as uncompelling.

Other times books don't sound that interesting. Girl meets boy. Been there, done that. But it's a combination of a unique writing style, as well as a creative hook (something that makes the novel special to every girl meets boy and makes everything diferent-OMG). I'm talking mostly of contemporaries here. Just real people, doing real stuff. That's usually unremarkable. But for an author to present something boring in a compelling way will hold your interest is very important.

High concept is great. But I don't read plot. I read words. And if your words are shitty, you lose.

Going more so into the audition aspect, what my friend told me is that you also only have about five to ten seconds to sell your voice. Yourself. Because there are a ton of other people there. And this is very true in a query. If your pitch is off (Get it?) agents are not going to bat an eye. They have hundreds (thousands) of other submissions to choose from.

But agents get it. No true author is the same. Just like not all successful singers are that good at actually singing (cough, Taylor Swift, cough). But why do they make it? Because they're using what works to their advantage. Some people can write about paint drying and make you shed a tear. If you know you are not the best writer sell yourself with concept. Gear toward an audience that wouldn't care about it. And maybe take a writing workshop.

Do something different.

Something interesting.

And get plenty of feedback before you query.

But even if you get rejected, hopefully that agent will supply feedback as to why. If not, don't give up hope immediately. Sometimes you do everything right in your power, but the agent wasn't feeling it or maybe they just picked on a client that has a similar concept. Maybe they don't like your voice. But that doesn't mean no one else will.


Which brings me to the next important thing after writing the novel and querying. To keep trying.