Shine Bright Like Erudite

When I asked my brother (who had just finished reading Divergent) what faction I would be, I was surprised that he didn't suggest that I would be Erudite. My younger brother has the tendency to go on irritated tangents about how 'smart' I am, how 'highly' our parents seem to regard me compared to him and our other siblings.

Because I have swag like that (whatever swag is...) I usually dismiss him. I brush my hand in the air and then through my hair and tell him that I just study and manipulate situations to my favor (see my Candor post). I'm no smarter than anyone else. Anyone who thinks they're not smart are dumbing themselves down.

But am I an intellectual? Do I constantly strive to know how the world works? Do I want to be an astro-physist?

No. Not really. And I can't say. Though, being an astro-physist sounds really cool.

But I'm pretty sure that the only reasons I well in school are for insecure, very non-abnegation reasons such as:

1. I'm very jealous when it comes to others succeeding. But I try to see how/why those people got there and try to emulate them.

2. I don't like to look bad. I look bad without trying, so I'm not going to look bad at my own hand. Even if I personally prefer to be lazy. You know, until I get bored.

I do not actively pursue all knowledge. I am not Erudite.

Why are you taking my picture? I am supposed to be planning a hostile invasion. Ahem, I mean studying.

But everyone has the potential to learn something--to be intelligent--if they want to. Intelligence comes in many forms. And everyone has taken that test in middle school that tells you what type of intelligence you are. I tested highest for mathematical-logical intelligence.

 Hostile invasion....I mean, math...

But my feelings for math range anywhere between neutral and the occasional pure hatred for the subject. I prefer reading, writing, and music far more. But I am a very logical person. I am a little bit more reasonable than I wish I was, and I always tried to act smarter than everyone else when I was a young girl. Now I'm just trying to be me. Whoever I am. And you should try to be the smartest you. You decide what that smartness is. Smartness is a word, right?

Big book of diseases + hipster glasses = erudite swag

A Piece of Cake (If Only Writing Was One)

Writing a novel is one of those things where you can have your cake and eat it too.

You know, if you can finish it. And recently I read some statistics that I'm too lazy to pull up a link to (okay not really) that says that 75% of the people who attempt to create a novel won't finish it.

Why is that? Especially when we all thought publishing was the biggest obstacle?

Because it really isn't.

The finished product is what you are trying to sell. So if you can't finish that, there's nothing to be sold.

And even if you are that glorious 25% that makes it through their manuscript, that doesn't mean that you've baked a good product. And that fact--the fact that you could have poured your soul into something for months and years only to be left with an undesirable product is enough to make you scared of actually trying in the first place.

But a lot of things are scary. A lot of things scare me. Cake usually doesn't, but it might as well if I'm too afraid to write.

If you haven't guessed the them of this post, then the following picture will explain it for you.

Scared of me already? Just wait and see what I'll do to your thighs!

Cake! Somewhere along getting dressed for the day and coming down stairs, the thought randomly occurred to me. I wasn't looking for an analogy of how writing was for me, but it came anyway.

Written works and the confection are similar in the sense of how they are both made, how they are supposed to appear, and how they are ultimately made for public consumption.  I've broken it down into three categories.


Preparation 
You put in a bunch of ingredients in a pan, put it in the oven and hope that everything turns out well. Writing is sort of the same. Except your pan is your word processor, your oven = your computer, and your ingredients are words.

When you bake, you try no to deviate from the from the instructions. However, when you write, you kind of have to if you want to come across as being original.

But there is a balance between adding your own personal kick and making something completely bogus. And you can taste the batter, decide if you're really on the right track, but once its in the oven there's not much you can do. And when the cake comes out all done, whether it's deflating on the side, or plump and tasty looking, the product is usually much different than you could have ever imagined in it's elementary stages. And its a sight--good, but usually kind of bad--worth seeing. Don't give up too quickly.

Appearance 
Don't judge a book by its cover. But we do anyway. I do. Personally I resist books that look old and books that have people on them. Why? I don't know. I'm just picky in the worst possible ways. Now going back to cakes. Most people expect a cake to have frosting on it, right? Right. So does that mean that you have to have sparklers on the end, and miniature cars and figurines dancing to a micro-music chip inside the cake? No. Actually, most would prefer one without that. An author needs to know what is necessary. Most cakes are not complete without frosting. So have frosting. But don't slap in on and say "There. Are you happy now world?" Because no one likes a half-assed attempt. They are paying money for that cake/book. So have a nice cover. A dynamic summary. Something that you know will catch someone's attention. Because at a bake sale/ book store what is going to make your work special? Eye-popping frosting!

Taste
So someone has bought your book/cake! But is that all you want? Or do you want that person to actually enjoy it, instead of spitting it out back at your face, and writing hurtful reviews about you on their blog/goodreeds? I don't think I have to answer that for you. Pay attention to the substance. Try to be original (please refer to preparation) but not too far fetched. Because people would probably prefer a bland cake/book over a disgusting one. Writing is work. And that work should shine above everything else. And if it's not shining, you may have to start over again. And again. And until you've mastered the culinary art of the story you want to tell.

So what are you waiting for? Go bake your f*#@ing cake! It doesn't really matter if you don't know what your getting into. Just know what you're getting out of it.

Just don't over-indulge in the cake eating. Then writing won't be your only problem...

Why Being a Writer Makes you Just as Crazy as you are Creative

Hi.

I've taken a few days off from writing my manuscript, and in doing so, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. And although I have not had separation anxiety just yet, I know I would have if I wasn't writing this.

So speaking about writing, I just wanted to take a little time to discuss how it makes me--us--crazy. With creativity.

So here are the top five things I've noticed I've been doing ever since I've been in writing overdrive, starting around May 12th.

1. You say things internally (and sometimes out loud) like, "What the hell should I make Scarlet's hair color?" or "Ugh, I have to kill Raymond today."

2. You see people in public who look just like the characters you envisioned/created in your stories. So you smile at them all giddy and mesmerized until they walk off, thinking you're a freak. But sadly less of a freak then you actually are.

3. You get discouraged at least four times a day. The usual reason being: holy-crap-my-manuscript-isn't-original-or-good-enough-why-is-this-so-hard-stop-laughing-at-me-other-published-authors-and-life. Then you're inspired, just like that, by pretty uninspiring things, like banana peels, a stapler or Ke$ha.

4. You daydream. A lot. Sometimes great ideas just pop in your head and you get lost a labyrinth of your own thoughts. And no one can find you until you've straightened them out. This will take months and/or years.

5. People (non-writer people) stop asking what you're doing. Because they tried, and just can't understand. And you don't have the time to tell them. They can read about it later, after all.

Now back to math. Or writing.

Writing is good.

Can You Trust a Candor? (How Manipulation is Everything)

I wouldn't. 

You know, unless I was one. Because if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

And don't answer Candor. 

Moving on, I've been talking about choices and decisions lately, and I feel that truth is an important virtue. But it's not everything.

And I know that you probably can't see it from my sporadic, air-headed appeal, but I'm actually a very manipulative person.

Like, I can get you to do all of my bidding without a blink of an eye. 

Well, maybe if I really wanted to. But that kind of control takes work. And if you haven't heard from my friendly friends and family, I've been very unmotivated lately. But don't worry. I'm not bossy, particularly stuck up, or downright unpleasant. Most of the time. 

But I feel like manipulation only works if you trust yourself. Then you can prey on the weaknesses of others.

And that's always fun.

Got a secret? I'll destroy you with it.

Secrets are destructive. My good friends (I wish we were...) the Pierces sing it best here. Secrets fall hand in hand (ha, Abnegation) with trust, and ultimately manipulation.

To have control in any situation (or over people) you have to trust in yourself, and expel truths that are necessary to be known. For example, if you know that you have to be a eighteen or older to participate in an event in college, and you are only a humble 17 year-old college sophomore (That's me!) who doesn't  blab about your age to random strangers (oops, guilty...) everyone's probably going to assume that you are old enough to partake in the activity. After all, sophomore undergrads tend to range from 19-20 in age. So here's where manipulation comes in. Playing with public assumptions.

Don't assume yourself. No, that can be as destructive as telling secrets. Keep your secrets. But let others assume. And when they do, use their ignorance to your advantage.

But I'm getting a bit off topic. The point of this post was to say that I dressed up like the Candor. Black and white and no grays in between. But we all know life doesn't work like that. Because my favorite color just so happens to be gray.

How's the look on my face? Candor? Dauntless? Candaunt? Ugh, choices!

So the ultimate question now is, would I chose Candor as my faction?

Well, I'm smiling, aren't I?

Oh, the lack of decisions...

I know. It sort of sounds like I'm talking about choices again.

But I'm not. So don't cut me off.

Sorry, if that came off as rude. Still feeling a little Dauntless...

Moving on, I just wanted to share a few words with you about my feelings on the writing process and what I've been struggling with the most as I write my manuscript. Decisions. Of the lack of them.

You've heard it all. Either you have writer's block, or you know where you'd like to go with a story, but you just have no damn idea how to get there. And as you go on your journey, you find your options limited. The road to success (aka the completion of your manuscript because I'm not guaranteeing it's going to get you published once you finish it, you silly kid!) is blocked for today. Your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Curse, limitations.

And then you wonder. Like how on earth can something that requires your imagination seems so hard to put together? After all, a fictional story is made from the fabric of your thoughts sewn together by the words you use to describe them. It's all you. That's suppose to be good! Writers tend to introverts anyways!

But its hard. Ridiculously hard. And the worst thing about it is that as you try to go through with it, the more you hate the manuscript. And every other written work you see seems to shine like a diamond compared to your dull, overexposed-only-to-you story.

And maybe those other novels are diamonds. But that's because they've been polished, and gone through whatever long process it takes to make a rock of a rough first draft into a sparkly, hard covered work of blinding creative genius.

So keep motivated. I keep motivated by keeping deadlines. At the same time, I assure myself that even if I really, really, absolutely hate my manuscript at the end of this process, I can hide it away--burn it in the back yard even.

And if I roast marshmallows over the ashes of hours and hours of hard work and dedication, its not a complete waste because I completed something. I am stronger for next time. I am still a success.

So my point in all of this? We often feel limited midway through our stories, when the appeal of writing a best seller, or just something you can be proud of is being drowned by all of the work it takes to get to that point.

But ask yourself, is it really writer's block, or a lack of motivation?

Decide quickly.

Don't Mess With Me. I'm Dauntless.

SEE. I told you I'd post about Divergent!

Putting my sick obsession aside (which could only mean me bringing it out...) I mentioned that I was tie in how discipline is related to choices. And choices is a strong theme of Divergent. 

So I made some choices today. I woke up on time. Did math even through I really didn't want to (discipline!). And got dressed.

And when I walked to the mirror in my dinning room to examine myself, I couldn't help but stand frozen, mesmerized at myself. No, I am not self-absorbed. Well, not that self-absorbed. 

Anyway, it wasn't me that I found particularly impressive. It was my outfit choice. I had subconsciously chosen my faction. And that faction was Dauntless.

You really wanna mess with me, pansycake? 

Naturally, I did the un-Dauntless thing after I came to this conclusion, which was squealing at my reflection internally and trying to act cool for the rest of the day. I tried to do that eyebrow narrowing, squint thing that hardcore people like Four and Tris are capable of, but because it's me we're talking about, I looked more like Christina, and it came out more like this:

You scared, Peter? 

And this: 

What about you, Four?

                                      

Personally, I don't think the last one was that bad. But all in all, everything was in good fun. And as I still wear my dauntless-inspired clothing to type this post, there are three important things I feel should be considered and accepted:

1. Your choices define you. But you also define your choices. It's your homework to decipher what the latter means. Clue: It's all in this post. And sometimes the clothes. 

2. Oh my gargoyles, I have to dress up as every other faction and post it on my blog! And don't worry, I don't feel foolish, because this is just way too much fun. Because as we all know, I should be doing my math homework. Thank heavens for choices, right? I might be feeling Erudite tomorrow...

3. Veronica Roth is one of the most visionary-badass-creative people on earth. Don't pretend you don't know who she is.

Dauntless out. 

Discipline, and Other Things I Don't Have Time For

I hate math.

I hate math because I could be writing. And when I could be writing, I could be happier. And when I'm happier, I'm not stressed. And when you're stressed, you die a premature death.

I do not want to die a premature death.

So instead I expel all of the annoying negativity in my life with this face. It's pretty, isn't it?

I am the master of my mind! Wait, why does it feel like it's exploding?

The point I'm trying to make is that we often have to do things we don't want. And even when we are doing things we do want to *cough* work on the CR manuscript *cough* there are still things I have to do that I don't entirely want to.Like writing out certain scenes. Research. Math.

I don't think that I hate anything, but often its easier to point out what we don't like verses what we actually like and want to pursue.

So push on, even if you don't want to. Because most of the time you have no choice.

But we'll talk about choices if I discuss Divergent.

Sigh. Discipline, remember?

When I discuss Divergent.